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This page used to be just for “trolling” posts, i.e., going into newsgroups online and starting shit for no particular reason other than to be funny. It was fun but it was kind of a pain in the ass. Then I stumbled across a site called What these motherfuckers were doing is going on AOL Instant Messenger posing as 13-year-old girls. They would then get pedophiles looking for cybersex and fuck with them unmercifully. It’s the funniest thing on the web. After contacting them, I was invited to try a few baits of my own. Not only is it fun as hell, but it’s a hell of a lot easier than trolling. So, with the consent of the folks at baiting, I ripped them off and put some of my own baits up here. Keep in mind, my stuff doesn’t hold a candle to theirs, so be sure to stop by their site too. Enjoy.

PS. Most of these are vulgar, many are racist, blasphemous, and sexist. Before you get all shitty about it, remember - these people are pedophiles, stupid! They are supposed to be offended. Several of them mention wet, runny poop. Why? Cuz poop always makes me laugh.



Clarence Got A Shotgun

Doug is "dirtybagina"


STT32: hey, a/s/l

dirtybagina: Its in my profile.

STT32: ok so what do u look like, gotta pic?

dirtybagina: I look like that one girl from Survivor only with colored hair.

dirtybagina: What do you look like?

STT32: damn that sounds real sexy

STT32: i'm 5'8, 160, short blonde hair, blue eyes, fit and very tan

dirtybagina: How old are you, cutie-pants?

STT32: 24, u?

dirtybagina: It's in my profile.

STT32: so what are u wearing?

dirtybagina: It's in my profile.

STT32: no its not

dirtybagina: Oh, sorry. I was gonna put it in there and forgot.

STT32: ha

STT32: so....

dirtybagina: I am wearing llama skin boots with head and wristbands like a 1970's basketball player.

STT32: haha, sounds good

dirtybagina: You?

STT32: just my boxers

STT32: what would u say if i started kissing ur neck real slow and massaging ur body all over

STT32: ?

dirtybagina: I would say "Clarence, there's a man here licking and kissing me and I have no idea who it is!"

dirtybagina: Then Clarence would shoot you in the knees.

STT32: u wouldnt like it?

STT32: then what do u want?

dirtybagina: Well, I just want to cyber.

STT32: then start

dirtybagina: You asked what I would do if you did that to me. And thats what I would do if a man I didnt know were to begin fondling me like that.

STT32: oh ok

STT32: i start sucking ur tits while my fingers crawl down ur stomach until they were playing with your clit all over

dirtybagina: Mmmm.

dirtybagina: "Clarence! There's a man playing with my clit and I dont even know him!"

dirtybagina: *Clarence runs in and shoots you in the knees*

STT32: i lick down u until my tongue is licking every wet spot off your clit

STT32: licking up and down my fingers move in and out of you

STT32: i thought u wanted to cyber?

dirtybagina: You might want to put on a rubber glove.

STT32: y is that?

dirtybagina: My vagina has had some problems lately.

STT32: so what are u gonna do to me?

dirtybagina: I will lay you on your back...

dirtybagina: and tie your hands to the bedposts.

dirtybagina: I will then waddle down the bed on my fists, swinging my thick torso between my arms.

dirtybagina: (I lost my legs at the hips from untreated syphillis)

dirtybagina: I pull myself up onto your unprotected cock.

dirtybagina: An ocean of infection spills from my gash and fills the air with pheremones.

dirtybagina: You are as hard as calculus.

dirtybagina: Hello?

STT32: yeah

STT32: keep going

STT32: that feels so good

dirtybagina: Ya, it'd be nice to know I'm not doing this for myself. Pipe up every now and again.

dirtybagina: Ok, I am up on my ape-like knuckles swing my mangled torso over your engorged cock.

dirtybagina: You plunge in and out of my rectgina.

dirtybagina: (The accident tore out my perenium and left me with just one hole)

STT32: i dont mind

dirtybagina: (Its ok cuz I shit in a bag anyway)

STT32: i grab on to your torso and slam you up and down on my huge cock

dirtybagina: I howl like a retarded child fighting for a candy cane.

dirtybagina: I cackle and several of my teeth fall out from neglect and the force of your enrty.

STT32: mmmm, i want u to suck me now

dirtybagina: You push my useless boddy of the bed and I fall like wet laundry to the hardwood floor.

dirtybagina: body*

dirtybagina: You grab me by my whispy, brittle hair and force my horse-mouth onto your manhood.

dirtybagina: My shards of broken, meth-wrecked dentrifice tear into your cock like daggers.

dirtybagina: My mouth stinks like the rot of a baby's corpse.

dirtybagina: Hello?

dirtybagina: You really suck at this. Are you sure you aren't gay?

dirtybagina: I'm not saying thats bad. It just seems like your a queer.


Previous message was not received by STT32 because of error: User STT32 is not available.




Doug is "ToolMySweetAss"


sexylaxman19: a\s\l

ToolMySweetAss: Are you from LA?

ToolMySweetAss: I'm in Hollywood.

ToolMySweetAss: 13/f/nv but i'm in hollywood now.

sexylaxman19: 24\m\pa

sexylaxman19: im in vegas

sexylaxman19: with my friend

sexylaxman19: we are going to La tommarow

ToolMySweetAss: I just made my first movie for these guys who said they could buy me a meal. I'm using one of there computer while the burns heal.

ToolMySweetAss: You are in Vegas and you are sitting around on a computer?

ToolMySweetAss: What are you somekind of faggit?

sexylaxman19: no we already hit like most of the casino's

ToolMySweetAss: I took a shit once in PA. It clung to my leg begging me not to leave it.

sexylaxman19: haha

sexylaxman19: want to cyber

ToolMySweetAss: I was cybering with the shit talk.

ToolMySweetAss: I'm into fecalphilia.

ToolMySweetAss: I want someone to shit in my mouth and eyes.

ToolMySweetAss: Game?

ToolMySweetAss: It has to be bowlsfull and loose.

ToolMySweetAss: No hard dog turds or i walk, got it?

ToolMySweetAss: Now go ahead.

sexylaxman19: okay

ToolMySweetAss: Start by shitting square in the middle of my forehead where a indian keeps his dot.

sexylaxman19: were do you want me to start

ToolMySweetAss: Fast and loose, pony boy.

sexylaxman19: how about you start

ToolMySweetAss: Start with the shitting, then we'll get into the weird stuff.

ToolMySweetAss: Just say you are shitting on my forehead.

ToolMySweetAss: say it.

ToolMySweetAss: Just like that.

sexylaxman19: i am shitting on your forehead

ToolMySweetAss: add an adjective.

ToolMySweetAss: Just one.

ToolMySweetAss: Please.

sexylaxman19: i am shitting hard on your forehead


ToolMySweetAss: Ooooooooohhhhhhhhhh yaaaaaaa babay!

ToolMySweetAss: God, i just shot a load all over my hairy belly.

ToolMySweetAss: Jesus you made me come hard.

ToolMySweetAss: My balls are empty as the day i was born.

ToolMySweetAss: Thanks a million.

ToolMySweetAss: When you get to LA, lok me up and I'll come out and fuck your ass, fair enough?

ToolMySweetAss: eeYello?

sexylaxman19: really tell me what you will do with me and i might look you up

sexylaxman19: ell me what you will do with me

ToolMySweetAss: Wow, I'd love to get into it but you know how it is after you jizzed all over. Just kinda want to grab a nap and

chisle the dry come out of your hair.

sexylaxman19: tell*

ToolMySweetAss: G'nite and thanks for a heck of a good time,


ToolMySweetAss: Hope you and your faggot friend get some random cock there in sin City.

ToolMySweetAss: Careful of the virus, it's lousy in them he-she


ToolMySweetAss: Nite.



This Big

Doug is "ToolMySweetAss"


CNICE 05: hey.a/s/l?

ToolMyTightAss: 14 / F / NV

ToolMyTightAss: You?

CNICE 05: u like older guys?

ToolMyTightAss: Only older guys.

CNICE 05: like how old?

ToolMyTightAss: It's like guys don't know how to fuck til they're 25 at least.

ToolMyTightAss: I fucked one guy that was 77.

ToolMyTightAss: No shit.

CNICE 05: thats kinda gross

ToolMyTightAss: He was in good shape and I made a ton of money.

CNICE 05: oh well thats cool then i guess

CNICE 05: well i do like younger girls

ToolMyTightAss: Almost 40 dollars.

CNICE 05: r u hot?

ToolMyTightAss: Thats double what I get for delivering newspapers.

ToolMyTightAss: Wicked hot.

CNICE 05: describe yourself for me?

ToolMyTightAss: Got a pic, Spic?

CNICE 05: no sorry

ToolMyTightAss: I am 4' 11'' with a phallus like a bird-dog.

ToolMyTightAss: Big tits and a sweet ass.

CNICE 05: how big r ur tits?

ToolMyTightAss: Like this. With nipples this long.

CNICE 05: what?

ToolMyTightAss: Seriously.

ToolMyTightAss: How big is your bag?

CNICE 05: serioulsy what?

ToolMyTightAss: I lopve bag.

ToolMyTightAss: love*

CNICE 05: you said like this?

CNICE 05: like what?

ToolMyTightAss: Love me some sweet, sweet bag.

ToolMyTightAss: Like this, stupid fuck.

ToolMyTightAss: Put your hands up.

ToolMyTightAss: Like that.

ToolMyTightAss: See?

ToolMyTightAss: Right.

CNICE 05: ok

ToolMyTightAss: Now how big is your bag.

ToolMyTightAss: Measure it. Yank it down and measure from your asshole down.

CNICE 05: you want to know how big my sack is?

CNICE 05: do u want to know how big my cock is?

CNICE 05: hello?

ToolMyTightAss: yes

ToolMyTightAss: No, bag. Measure your bag.

CNICE 05: ok..

ToolMyTightAss: Cock is for first-timers. Bag is where its at.

CNICE 05: its like between 5 and 6 inches

CNICE 05: you like to suck on them?

ToolMyTightAss: No, get a Goddamned ruler and find out for sure so I know.

ToolMyTightAss: Yes, I love to suck them.

CNICE 05: i did its between 5 and 6 inches

CNICE 05: so like 5 and a half

ToolMyTightAss: That means 5, you exaggerator.

CNICE 05: well whatever

ToolMyTightAss: Now tell me what you like.

CNICE 05: i like to get head and i love to fuck, also i love eating girls out

CNICE 05: yuor really 14?

ToolMyTightAss: Yep. Do you eat ass?

ToolMyTightAss: I like my ass ate.

CNICE 05: sorry i got kicked off

ToolMyTightAss: Eat my ass, fuck-nick.

ToolMyTightAss: C'mon. Bore out my brown door with your spice-taster.

CNICE 05: youre kind of a strange girl

ToolMyTightAss: I love to have my ass eaten, don't you?

CNICE 05: r u sure your 14?

CNICE 05: nope

ToolMyTightAss: Strange?

CNICE 05: dont want anything near my ass

ToolMyTightAss: You don't eat ass and *I'm* strange?

ToolMyTightAss: Puh-leese.

CNICE 05: i didnt say i didnt eat ass

CNICE 05: i said i dont want mine eaten

ToolMyTightAss: I can make it look like a pussy for you.

CNICE 05: ill lik a girls ass

CNICE 05: id rather eat pussy

ToolMyTightAss: I wioll paste raw strips of beef liver around my asshole and tack a brillo pad to my spine.

ToolMyTightAss: will*

ToolMyTightAss: It'll look just like the cunt that you're used to.

ToolMyTightAss: Ready?

ToolMyTightAss: Wait.

ToolMyTightAss: Before we start, lube up you ass. Just in case.

ToolMyTightAss: Hey, wake up fuck-bunion, my ass is leaking Crisco like the Exxon Valdez.


ToolMyTightAss: You are a big blue-balling cocktease. I hope you get syphillis in your eyes.


Previous message was not received by NICE 05 because of error: User NICE 05 is not available.



Shop Class Bait

Doug is "ToolMySweetAss"


shaggyx669: do you cyber

ToolMySweetAss: Did you read my profile?

shaggyx669: ya, im 21

shaggyx669: and horny as shit

shaggyx669: so you want to cyber

ToolMySweetAss: Then why did you ask if I cyber if you already

read my profile that specifically says I like to cyber?

ToolMySweetAss: Are you a moron?

shaggyx669: no, i was just checkin b/c a lot of people say that and dont

ToolMySweetAss: Oh, ok.

shaggyx669: so do you want to

ToolMySweetAss: So tell me about your self, Tits McGee.

shaggyx669: im 6'2, 225, dirty blond hair, blue eyes, built

shaggyx669: i goto a tech school for computers

shaggyx669: anything else you would like to know

ToolMySweetAss: Tell me more! I love to learn about people.. and then suck their cocks!

shaggyx669: what else would you like to know

ToolMySweetAss: Where do you live?

ToolMySweetAss: What's the last book you read?

shaggyx669: i live in virgina

shaggyx669: adventures of huck finn

ToolMySweetAss: Whats your favorite part of fucking 13 year old girls?

shaggyx669: that i know there not dirty, and they scream loud

ToolMySweetAss: Did you find that Tom Sawyer to be a Ponchas

Pilot type figure and Injun Joe to be a metaphor for death and reawakening?

shaggyx669: somewhat

shaggyx669: i havnt finished the book yet

ToolMySweetAss: Really? Elaborate on what you've discerned thus far and after I'll let you fuck my splatter-gasket.

shaggyx669: well ive gotten to the part where jim and huck are goin down the mississipi and pick up 2 con artists

ToolMySweetAss: Talking literature makes my pussy steam like a vapor maker.

shaggyx669: ku

shaggyx669: are you horny enough to start to cyber

shaggyx669: cause i know i am

ToolMySweetAss: No, first I want to know what parralels you've

found the author to be making to the social and political climate of the day.

ToolMySweetAss: Then I want you to tool my fuck-box like a retarded


shaggyx669: i think hes saying how people just need to learn that what color you are shouldnt matter when it comes to friends and society as a whole.

shaggyx669: you ready now

ToolMySweetAss: Wow. How old are you?

shaggyx669: 21

ToolMySweetAss: And you're just getting around to Huck Finn?

ToolMySweetAss: You must've been real busy the last ten years, huh?

ToolMySweetAss: Anyway, lets cyber...

shaggyx669: no i read it in high school, but i wanted to read it again, b/c i wasnt payin much attention in that class

shaggyx669: k

shaggyx669: you start

ToolMySweetAss: but lets cyber in German!

shaggyx669: i dont know german

ToolMySweetAss: Aber becklecker nicht das sofa!

ToolMySweetAss: Fich mich, du miserbale hurensohn!

shaggyx669: what

ToolMySweetAss: Da! Da!

shaggyx669: please speak english

ToolMySweetAss: Schwienker uten mein glommenfher!

shaggyx669: please

ToolMySweetAss: Oh, well what other language do you speak?

ToolMySweetAss: If you're stupid we could settle for spanish.

ToolMySweetAss: Latin, perhaps?

shaggyx669: none, i have been outta high school for 3 years and havnt spoken any in a while

shaggyx669: how bout english

ToolMySweetAss: I want you to fuck my ass but i'm tired of just typing "Oh, ya fuck my ass".

ToolMySweetAss: BO-ring.

ToolMySweetAss: Make it ineresting or I'm going to have to find some

sadistic kraut to corn-pile me in the tongue of the Fatherland.

shaggyx669: i want u 2 stick 4 fingers in ur pussy and start masterbatin

shaggyx669: tell me how it feels

ToolMySweetAss: Booooooring!

shaggyx669: then ill make it worth ur wild

shaggyx669: how does that sound

ToolMySweetAss: I can put a shoe in there and still rattle it around like a spray- paint can.

shaggyx669: do what u wantr just make it really sexual and tell me how ur doin it, and ill make it worth ur wild

shaggyx669: hows that???

ToolMySweetAss: k

ToolMySweetAss: hold.

shaggyx669: start when ur ready

ToolMySweetAss: start jacking off and I'll be with you in a minute.

shaggyx669: ok

ToolMySweetAss: Ok, lets say we're in shop class.

shaggyx669: ok

ToolMySweetAss: Mr Ungerwhild is the teacher but he's drunk

again and passed out under the desk.

shaggyx669: ok

ToolMySweetAss: The whole room reeks of urine and its making me


shaggyx669: ok

ToolMySweetAss: I am showing you how to build a bird cage.

shaggyx669: ok

ToolMySweetAss: I did most of the work for you because I saw you

were still reading huck finn at 21 and assumed you were a special student.

shaggyx669: lol, ok

ToolMySweetAss: I am real hot so I decide to get naked.

shaggyx669: k

ToolMySweetAss: Do you like my breast?

shaggyx669: o hell ya

ToolMySweetAss: I tell you we can't fuck til after you finish your birdcage

shaggyx669: ok

ToolMySweetAss: I've told you this everyday for a month but you

are a numbskull and can't figure out how to tie your own shoes.

shaggyx669: ok

ToolMySweetAss: I get frustrated and put your head in the vice.

ToolMySweetAss: I clamp it real tight so you can't move.

shaggyx669: thats gonna hurt

ToolMySweetAss: I pull down your pants and carress your hairy balls.

ToolMySweetAss: Yes, it's going to hurt.

shaggyx669: oo

ToolMySweetAss: But sometimes you need a little pain in order to learn a lesson.

shaggyx669: i know, keep goin

ToolMySweetAss: I gently pull your balls back between your legs

and tuck them up near your ass-pipe.

shaggyx669: ok

ToolMySweetAss: I get down if front of you, your beautiful cock staring me right in the face.

shaggyx669: ok

ToolMySweetAss: I open in my mouth in a perfect "O" like a blow-up doll.

shaggyx669: k

ToolMySweetAss: "Kelli-Ann, What The Fuck Do You Think You're Doing?"

ToolMySweetAss: It's Mr Ungerwhilde!

ToolMySweetAss: He's awake and surly!

shaggyx669: ok

ToolMySweetAss: He steams over to our work bench and grabs me by the hair!

shaggyx669: ok

ToolMySweetAss: He lays me down on the table, puts a fresh coat

of 3-in-1 oil on my potato and slams his fist so far up my cunt I

can nibble hairs off his knuckles!

shaggyx669: ok

ToolMySweetAss: You squirm to protect me but he catches you!

ToolMySweetAss: He cuts off you hands with a band saw so you

cannot free yourself!

shaggyx669: ouch thats gonna sux in the future

shaggyx669: n more jerkin off, lol

ToolMySweetAss: He takes your balls that are pulled between your legs and yanks them!

shaggyx669: oww

ToolMySweetAss: He plants one foot on your ass and pulls your

balls with two hands til the tear free!

ToolMySweetAss: He's a big, bear-like man with foul breath and thick spectacles.

shaggyx669: ok

ToolMySweetAss: The sight of blood spurting from out where your

balls used to be sends him spinning into a frenzy.

shaggyx669: i bet

ToolMySweetAss: He pulls out his cock and it looks like an irish

shalale, all twisted and knotty, a foot long if an inch .

shaggyx669: k

ToolMySweetAss: Its got an etxtra head on the side of it.

shaggyx669: eww. lol

ToolMySweetAss: Not a penis head, an angry baby head with bad teeth.

shaggyx669: lol

ToolMySweetAss: H e grabs onto your spine with a three-pronged gardening claw and jams his whole cock into your waiting

rectum without even giving a moment to pray or screan out.

ToolMySweetAss: You beg him to stop but at the same time you are enjoying it.

shaggyx669: are you masterbatin

ToolMySweetAss: You have always wanted man-cock in your ass but you were scared to admit it.

ToolMySweetAss: In a way, yes I am.

shaggyx669: how are you masterbatin

ToolMySweetAss: Did you come already?

ToolMySweetAss: I am masturbating with my right hand fully

wrapped around my cock.

shaggyx669: not yet that made me stop for a sec. but im cont. now

ToolMySweetAss: Mmmmmm.

ToolMySweetAss: Cool.

ToolMySweetAss: Tell me what you'd do to me if I were there.

shaggyx669: id bend you over and ram my dick in your ass as hard as i could and hold on to your hips so i didnt pull out

shaggyx669: what woudl you doto me if i was there

ToolMySweetAss: Wait. I think I just wrote an entire novel. You give

me one sentence and try to lob it back into my court?

ToolMySweetAss: Fuck you you selfish prick.

ToolMySweetAss: Gimme something to jack off to.

ToolMySweetAss: My dick is hard too, you know.

ToolMySweetAss: And remember to include the bald spots on either

side of your head from where the apes tore your head out of the vice.



Previous message was not received by

shaggyx669 because of error: User

shaggyx669 is not available.




Doug is "PorkPipeAnnie"


firemn2001: hey

PorkPipeAnnie: Are you really a fireman????

firemn2001: how are u tonight?

firemn2001: no

PorkPipeAnnie: Cuz I am a burn victim!

firemn2001: really?

PorkPipeAnnie: Yep.

firemn2001: u have a pic?

PorkPipeAnnie: Why do say you are a fireman if you are not?

firemn2001: its a song i like

PorkPipeAnnie: What song?

firemn2001: by george strait called the fireman

PorkPipeAnnie: Wow, what do you do for reals?

firemn2001: go to school

firemn2001: whats your a/s/l?

PorkPipeAnnie: How old are you?

firemn2001: im 15

firemn2001: u?

PorkPipeAnnie: Oh, fuck off.

firemn2001: why?

PorkPipeAnnie: Read a profile one time

firemn2001: lol well i kinda lied b/c i thought it said older then 20

firemn2001: so are we still cool?

firemn2001: im not 15

firemn2001: are u there?

firemn2001: ok ignore me its your loss

PorkPipeAnnie: fuck off i said

firemn2001: u couldnt handle me anyway

PorkPipeAnnie: how old are you, homo?

firemn2001: im 21

PorkPipeAnnie: Why would you lie?

PorkPipeAnnie: You lied to me before.

PorkPipeAnnie: Thats fucked up.

firemn2001: b/c i thought your profile said under 20

firemn2001: not when your horny

PorkPipeAnnie: So, you will lie and say anything to get a girl to cyber you?

PorkPipeAnnie: Well then you have to start.

PorkPipeAnnie: If you are really 21 you should be pretty good.

firemn2001: do u masterbate?

PorkPipeAnnie: No, cockchugger, I cyber without masturbating. I do it for the art.

PorkPipeAnnie: Fucking nitwit.

firemn2001: well i like to talk about masterbating

PorkPipeAnnie: Yes, I jack off like a monkey.

PorkPipeAnnie: Get at it.

firemn2001: lol tell me what your wearing first

PorkPipeAnnie: So far you ain't said shit.

firemn2001: tell me what your wearing and i will

PorkPipeAnnie: I am wearing CareBear footy pajamas with the ass flap in the back.

firemn2001: your too damn young for me

PorkPipeAnnie: I fuck like a freight train though.

firemn2001: cant say much to that can ya?

firemn2001: how do u masterbate?

PorkPipeAnnie: I put nut butter on my goop-hole and let Schmaltzie lick it off.

PorkPipeAnnie: Schmaltzie is almost 16 years old.

PorkPipeAnnie: Dad says we may have to put him to sleep.

PorkPipeAnnie: Evidently his diet is ruining his digestive system.

PorkPipeAnnie: My fault, who knows? All I know is if I touch it myself I go to Hell.



Previous message was not received by

firemn2001 because of error: User

firemn2001 is not available.