Register For Tour Updates

* indicates required
Email Format



New Album!



Available digitally on Amazon & Amazon UK

Also available digitally, instantly:

Search

TOUR DATES

Stay Tuned!

 

This page used to be just for “trolling” posts, i.e., going into newsgroups online and starting shit for no particular reason other than to be funny. It was fun but it was kind of a pain in the ass. Then I stumbled across a site called baiting.org. What these motherfuckers were doing is going on AOL Instant Messenger posing as 13-year-old girls. They would then get pedophiles looking for cybersex and fuck with them unmercifully. It’s the funniest thing on the web. After contacting them, I was invited to try a few baits of my own. Not only is it fun as hell, but it’s a hell of a lot easier than trolling. So, with the consent of the folks at baiting, I ripped them off and put some of my own baits up here. Keep in mind, my stuff doesn’t hold a candle to theirs, so be sure to stop by their site too. Enjoy.

PS. Most of these are vulgar, many are racist, blasphemous, and sexist. Before you get all shitty about it, remember - these people are pedophiles, stupid! They are supposed to be offended. Several of them mention wet, runny poop. Why? Cuz poop always makes me laugh.



 

Sunday
Mar212010

Come To Dubai

Doug is "ToolMySweetAss"

 

AAJKAJ: hiii

ToolMySweetAss: You have a full house.

ToolMySweetAss: Aces over jacks.

ToolMySweetAss: And you havent even seen the river yet.

ToolMySweetAss: I'd raise.

AAJKAJ: hold

ToolMySweetAss: You mean "check"?

ToolMySweetAss: You don't hold in poker.

ToolMySweetAss: Either bet or check, you are high.

AAJKAJ: male/female?

ToolMySweetAss: Female!

ToolMySweetAss: Silly!

AAJKAJ: lol

ToolMySweetAss: No check or bet or get out of the game.

ToolMySweetAss: Now*

AAJKAJ: so what do you like to chat?

AAJKAJ: do you have pic?

ToolMySweetAss: You don't speak English, do you?

AAJKAJ: yes

ToolMySweetAss: WEll then tell me about yourself.

ToolMySweetAss: Quickly.

AAJKAJ: I am 26 hot guy

AAJKAJ: and you ?

AAJKAJ: do u have pics?

ToolMySweetAss: Yes!

ToolMySweetAss: Tell me more about you first.

AAJKAJ: I am from dubai ( middle east)

AAJKAJ: 5-8 tall thin fair

AAJKAJ: doing business

ToolMySweetAss: Oooooh! I love men from the middle east!

ToolMySweetAss: i love to taste their gamey taste in my mouth!

AAJKAJ: IF you like to visit

AAJKAJ: you are well come

ToolMySweetAss: I love to run my fingers through the matted,

cum-caked hair on their backs, thick from the masturbations of their brothers and fathers.

ToolMySweetAss: How big is your cock?

AAJKAJ: '7 inches

ToolMySweetAss: mmmmmmm.

ToolMySweetAss: That will fit in my ass just fine!

AAJKAJ: Give me your pic?

ToolMySweetAss: Do you have a

pic???

ToolMySweetAss: I only trade!

AAJKAJ: pls give me

ToolMySweetAss: Tell me what you would do to me if I was there in your camel at the Oasis.

ToolMySweetAss: It's Midnight, the camel is in bed.

AAJKAJ: I love you , I enjoy with you

AAJKAJ: some fun]

ToolMySweetAss: Yes! Yes you do enjoy with me!

AAJKAJ: give me pics

ToolMySweetAss: You enjoy your mouth on our cock?

ToolMySweetAss: My sweet pussy on your head?

AAJKAJ: may be i will call you here , you will enjoy and make money

ToolMySweetAss: Oooooh!

ToolMySweetAss: I love money!

ToolMySweetAss: Even more than respect for my self!

ToolMySweetAss: Will they cut off my clitoris?

ToolMySweetAss: Will they hit me with stones for showing my face?

ToolMySweetAss: (I am pretty fucking ugly)

ToolMySweetAss: Hello?

AAJKAJ: no

AAJKAJ: here you can have fun

AAJKAJ: 'no prob here

ToolMySweetAss: Really?

AAJKAJ: why you worried

ToolMySweetAss: Can I suck your cock there?

ToolMySweetAss: While you tell me about Allah?

AAJKAJ: yes so many gurls come and enjoy and get money

AAJKAJ: yes , in side you have fun no prob

ToolMySweetAss: Wow, let me call

Greyhound and find the

schedule.

AAJKAJ: you dont show any thing out side

AAJKAJ: what is grey hound?

ToolMySweetAss: *looking through bus schedule* Dubai....dubai...

AAJKAJ: bus?

ToolMySweetAss: Can't find it. You sure its called Dubai?

ToolMySweetAss: Yes, the bus. I don't have a car yet, I am only 13.

ToolMySweetAss: I can't wait to fuck you in Dubai.

AAJKAJ: where are you from?

ToolMySweetAss: Las Vegas. So I am familiar with the desert climate

and men with poor taste.

ToolMySweetAss: Did you say I cant show any of myself outside there?

 

 

Previous message was not received by

AAJKAJ because of error: User AAJKAJ is

not available.

 

Sunday
Mar212010

Vietnam Whore

Doug is "ToolMySweetAss"

 

MantaRay707: hey

MantaRay707: <--18/m/CA

MantaRay707: <--6'2" short blond hair blue-gray eyes 173 Lbs 8-pack stomach

MantaRay707: you?

ToolMySweetAss: 14(almost)/ f / NV

MantaRay707: cute

MantaRay707: what do you look like?

ToolMySweetAss: 4' 11''

ToolMySweetAss: nice ass like a grown up

MantaRay707: hot :-)

ToolMySweetAss: my tits are pretty good, too.

MantaRay707: size?

ToolMySweetAss: well, they're a 36 now. I had them done once from a 32 but my Dad says I cant go up any more til I get 15 so my teachers don't get suspicious.

ToolMySweetAss: How big is your Mr. Stinky?

MantaRay707: what cup size?

MantaRay707: 8"

MantaRay707: big enough for oyu?

ToolMySweetAss: Really?

MantaRay707: yes

MantaRay707: why

MantaRay707: too small?

ToolMySweetAss: Everyone says 8". Once I'd like a little cock.

ToolMySweetAss: So I can try it in the butt.

MantaRay707: not many people are that big

MantaRay707: I am just 6'2"

MantaRay707: so it helps

MantaRay707: have u fucked?

ToolMySweetAss: Ya, if you are wrestling your own cock, you'd want the weight to be proportionate.

ToolMySweetAss: Shit ya, I've fucked.

MantaRay707: lol

ToolMySweetAss: Fucked up a storm.

ToolMySweetAss: Never in the ass though.

MantaRay707: do you mind getting on all fours?

ToolMySweetAss: Depends. I wouldn't do it to, like, get a job at Target. But for fucking? No problem, there.

MantaRay707: good girl

ToolMySweetAss: Hang on, my Dad is on the phone...

MantaRay707: too bad i am not there to fuck you while you talk to him

ToolMySweetAss: No shit, I have to get him off from work and it's SOOOOO gross!

ToolMySweetAss: He's into some hardcore shit.

MantaRay707: ?

MantaRay707: yer dad?

ToolMySweetAss: Yep.

MantaRay707: lol

MantaRay707: why?

ToolMySweetAss: Bungee-fucking, Gas masks full of bess, poop-worship - you name it, he'll jack off to it.

ToolMySweetAss: Why what?

ToolMySweetAss: Why is he into it?

MantaRay707: ye

ToolMySweetAss: Vietnam, prolly.

MantaRay707: and why does he fuck you?

ToolMySweetAss: Cuz I look like my Mom did when she was a whore in Long Duc.

MantaRay707: lol

ToolMySweetAss: Not funny. True.

ToolMySweetAss: But I can fuck like a porn star and don't get all uppity about a guys weird kinks.

MantaRay707: hehe

MantaRay707: you don't talk like a 14 year old girl :-)

ToolMySweetAss: A guy wants you to shit in his head where his glass eye goes, no problemo.

ToolMySweetAss: A guy wants to beat you half-wacky with a sock full of nickels, have at it.

ToolMySweetAss: As long as I come too.

ToolMySweetAss: No, I don't talk like a 14 yr old. I don't fuck like one either. So shut your Yankee face, homo.

MantaRay707: lol

ToolMySweetAss: So whats your kink, Fester?

MantaRay707: fester?

ToolMySweetAss: You wanna fuck or you want to sit around like an AIDS patient and talk about MTV?

MantaRay707: thats a pretty sick name

MantaRay707: LOL

MantaRay707: well ya

MantaRay707: how tight are you now?

ToolMySweetAss: You could slow-pitch softballs in my pussy without hitting walls.

ToolMySweetAss: But my ass...

ToolMySweetAss: ass is like a vault.

MantaRay707: LOL

MantaRay707: what is your name agian?

ToolMySweetAss: Serious.

ToolMySweetAss: My name is Fuck me or get lost.

ToolMySweetAss: It's Spanish.

ToolMySweetAss: Ok, I gotta cruise.

ToolMySweetAss: This is the weakest cyber ever. I've had homos who could get to the point quicker. You might wanna try sucking cock cuz you aint doing anyone any good in the hetero world.

ToolMySweetAss: Buh-bye.

 

Sunday
Mar212010

Tease Bad

Doug is "ToolMySweetAss"

 

FordToughDriver: hey a/s/l

ToolMySweetAss: Read my profile, weenie.

FordToughDriver: you got a pic?

ToolMySweetAss: How old are you?

FordToughDriver: 20

ToolMySweetAss: Sweet!

FordToughDriver: got a pic?

ToolMySweetAss: Nope.

ToolMySweetAss: You?

FordToughDriver: no

FordToughDriver: got a microphone?

ToolMySweetAss: Nope.

ToolMySweetAss: Strike two.

ToolMySweetAss: Got a cock?

ToolMySweetAss: Got some lotion?

ToolMySweetAss: Hello?

FordToughDriver: i want someone with a mic b/c its really no fun without one

ToolMySweetAss: You've never been cybered by me, though.

FordToughDriver: well i doubt your that good

FordToughDriver: or can you prove me wrong?

FordToughDriver: ?

ToolMySweetAss: Sorry, I was making myself throw up.

ToolMySweetAss: I'm back.

ToolMySweetAss: Now take down your trousers.

FordToughDriver: ?

ToolMySweetAss: Are they down?

FordToughDriver: thats no way to get me started

FordToughDriver: thats not a turn on

FordToughDriver: i like to be teased

ToolMySweetAss: I will tease you when your pants are down.

ToolMySweetAss: Tell me when.

FordToughDriver: what are you wearing?

FordToughDriver: the more the better

ToolMySweetAss: I said pull down your fucking pants so I can tease you.

FordToughDriver: what arey ou wearing?

ToolMySweetAss: You'll see when I send you a pic.

ToolMySweetAss: I'll send a pic when you pull down your pants.

FordToughDriver: ok

FordToughDriver: down

FordToughDriver: ?

ToolMySweetAss: Ok, hahahahahahah

ToolMySweetAss: Look at that little dick!

ToolMySweetAss: How embarrassing!

ToolMySweetAss: Oh, Christ thats funny!

ToolMySweetAss: (I'm teasing you)

FordToughDriver: goodbye

ToolMySweetAss: Wait!

ToolMySweetAss: Thats what you wanted!

ToolMySweetAss: I'm sorry, I just had an abortion an hour ago and I'm moody.

ToolMySweetAss: Hello?

ToolMySweetAss: Helloooooooo?

FordToughDriver: your really weird

ToolMySweetAss: You're, not "your"

ToolMySweetAss: Grow up and take down your pants again.

FordToughDriver: what ar you wearing?

ToolMySweetAss: Boxers.

ToolMySweetAss: Bugs me.

ToolMySweetAss: Cock dropping through the flap and all.

ToolMySweetAss: Hellooo?

FordToughDriver: what are you weairng

ToolMySweetAss: Hurry up, I gotta get a nut before I get back to work.

ToolMySweetAss: I'mm wearing a cock ring and a butt pulg.

ToolMySweetAss: plug*

ToolMySweetAss: Bend up, grease your ass.

ToolMySweetAss: *Our* ass.

ToolMySweetAss: Quick, I gotta pitch a show to Vh1.

ToolMySweetAss: Hello?



 

Sunday
Mar212010

Strip Poker

Doug is "PorkPipeAnnie"

 

NinjaTenchu77885: Hi

PorkPipeAnnie: How Old are you?

NinjaTenchu77885: 19

PorkPipeAnnie: Cool!

PorkPipeAnnie: Kids don't know how to cyber.

NinjaTenchu77885: ok

NinjaTenchu77885: so... u wanna play first(its my trademark)

PorkPipeAnnie: Sure!

PorkPipeAnnie: Whats your kink?

NinjaTenchu77885: whatcha wanna play?

NinjaTenchu77885: strip Poker

PorkPipeAnnie: k

NinjaTenchu77885: *draws hand

NinjaTenchu77885: k what u got?

NinjaTenchu77885: i got high card

NinjaTenchu77885: jack

PorkPipeAnnie: I have two pair, Aces and threes.

NinjaTenchu77885: damn

NinjaTenchu77885: i guess my pants are leavin town

NinjaTenchu77885: OOPs no boxers oh well

PorkPipeAnnie: Ok, deal em up.

NinjaTenchu77885: alright

NinjaTenchu77885: *havds out cards

NinjaTenchu77885: hands^

NinjaTenchu77885: DAMMIT

NinjaTenchu77885: i bet the rest of my clothes

PorkPipeAnnie: I have two dueces, a birthday card, the card from some plumbing company in Miami, and a joker.

NinjaTenchu77885: damn

NinjaTenchu77885: ok im buck naked u win

PorkPipeAnnie: One more hand on house credit?

NinjaTenchu77885: ok...i i lose...sex...if i win...sex...however u like

PorkPipeAnnie: K

PorkPipeAnnie: I deal

PorkPipeAnnie: *shuffles*

NinjaTenchu77885: alrighht

PorkPipeAnnie: What do you have?

NinjaTenchu77885: royal flush

PorkPipeAnnie: What suit?

NinjaTenchu77885: hearts :-)

PorkPipeAnnie: Ooooh. Tsk Tsk.

NinjaTenchu77885: aww damn

PorkPipeAnnie: See, I also have a royal flush, only mine is in diamonds.

PorkPipeAnnie: Do you know the rule here?

NinjaTenchu77885: no?

PorkPipeAnnie: Alphabetical order.

NinjaTenchu77885: dimonds rule

PorkPipeAnnie: Clubs beat diamonds beat hearts beat spades.

PorkPipeAnnie: You owe the house.

NinjaTenchu77885: allright

NinjaTenchu77885: well u see im butt naked

PorkPipeAnnie: *A large Buster Douglas type walks into the room and crack his knuckles.* Looks like someone got in over his head!

NinjaTenchu77885: oh shit

PorkPipeAnnie: He palms the back of your head, which at this point is shaking uncontrollably.

NinjaTenchu77885: IT CAN BE A THREESOME I DUN CARE

PorkPipeAnnie: Shut your mouth, fool!

PorkPipeAnnie: I make the rules here!

NinjaTenchu77885: ok

PorkPipeAnnie: Buster sets you down and unzips his fly.

PorkPipeAnnie: !3 and a quarter inches of unwashed jungle cock flops out into your face.

PorkPipeAnnie: 13*

NinjaTenchu77885: eww

PorkPipeAnnie: You try to look away but the stink makes you wince.

NinjaTenchu77885: *coughs

PorkPipeAnnie: I laugh and take off my bra.

PorkPipeAnnie: My tits flop out like gym socks full of vomit.

NinjaTenchu77885: so umm why is this other guy here

PorkPipeAnnie: "Never make bets you can't afford to lose" I say as I take down my skirt.

NinjaTenchu77885: ok

PorkPipeAnnie: "Shut your pussy white-boy mouth!" say Buster, and you make a little wet in the chair.

NinjaTenchu77885: i dun have to give him head do i?

PorkPipeAnnie: You may. It's all gonna depend on you.

NinjaTenchu77885: no thanks

PorkPipeAnnie: We're gonna do a little gambling.

NinjaTenchu77885: uh huh

PorkPipeAnnie: I put my beautiful pussy inches from your face.

NinjaTenchu77885: I try to lick

PorkPipeAnnie: Buster smashes you across the mouth with his giant Negroid hand!

PorkPipeAnnie: You wait, muthafucker!

NinjaTenchu77885: OW dammit that hurt

NinjaTenchu77885: piss off

PorkPipeAnnie: Now, My pussy is there on the poker table - right next to the greasy, uncut, unwashed black cock.

PorkPipeAnnie: You can put it all on red or black on the roullette wheel.

PorkPipeAnnie: If you win, I am your slave.

PorkPipeAnnie: Lose, Buster has his way with you.

NinjaTenchu77885: and buster cant doa thing about it?

PorkPipeAnnie: Right.

NinjaTenchu77885: if i win?

NinjaTenchu77885: ok

NinjaTenchu77885: red

PorkPipeAnnie: Are you nervous?

NinjaTenchu77885: what the fuck do you think?

PorkPipeAnnie: Buster is one angry, stinky, big-dicked motherfucker.

NinjaTenchu77885: exactly

PorkPipeAnnie: Here we go! *spins the wheel, rolls the ball*

NinjaTenchu77885: RED RED

PorkPipeAnnie: It pops into 17, then to 36 and back into 17!

NinjaTenchu77885: is that red?

PorkPipeAnnie: Know what that means?

NinjaTenchu77885: huh?

PorkPipeAnnie: Sorry, my friend. Thanks for playing at the Moulin Rouge.

NinjaTenchu77885: bye!

PorkPipeAnnie: Buster picks you up by the back of your neck.

PorkPipeAnnie: You shout but it falls on deaf ears.

PorkPipeAnnie: Your ass cheeks are pryed apart and greasy cock is plowed into you.

 

Previous message was not received by NinjaTenchu77885 because of error: User NinjaTenchu77885 is not available.

 

Sunday
Mar212010

Scared Straight

Doug is "aidsblood"

 

Batch333: hey

Batch333: asl?

aidsblood: 13 f nv

Batch333: horny?

Batch333: pic?

aidsblood: Yes and no.

Batch333: looks?

Batch333: how horny?

aidsblood: Reeeeeal horny.

Batch333: hum

Batch333: how far u gotten?

aidsblood: You mean sexually?

Batch333: yup

aidsblood: Let's see....

aidsblood: Oral

aidsblood: ANAL

aidsblood: Bondage

Batch333: oooooo

aidsblood: Humiliation

Batch333: ur young

aidsblood: Golden and brown showers

Batch333: ewww

aidsblood: Candle wax

Batch333: ummm

aidsblood: Milking the preostate

aidsblood: Shaving and piercing

aidsblood: Electric shock

Batch333: wow

Batch333: mike my prostate.

aidsblood: Autoerotic asphyxiation

aidsblood: Milk, not mike.

aidsblood: What are you, 10?

aidsblood: Sorry, got bumped

Batch333: o

 

aidsblood: So, thats my resume, what have YOU done?

Batch333: jacked off

Batch333: eat out

Batch333: spank

aidsblood: Bo-ring.

aidsblood: That all?

Batch333: sorry

Batch333: u virgin?

Batch333: im up for experamentation

aidsblood: Of, course, I am only 13.

Batch333: ok

aidsblood: Just cuz you piss in a guys mouth in a public restroom for 35 dollars doesnt mean I'm fucking anyone.

Batch333: ok

Batch333: u have?????

aidsblood: How old are you, queenie?

Batch333: 16

aidsblood: Fuck off.

aidsblood: Read my profile.

Batch333: ?

aidsblood: Then fuck off.

Batch333: um...your a teanager

Batch333: how old do you want?

aidsblood: Buh-bye.

Batch333: older?

aidsblood: Guh-bye.

aidsblood: This kid IM's me and I'm about to cyber the fuck out of him and it turns out he's only 16, the fucking loser, and he sounded like a homo too.

aidsblood: Oops, wrong IM box

Batch333: im actualy 18

aidsblood: Reall?

Batch333: yup

aidsblood: Really???

Batch333: yup

aidsblood: You wouldn't lie to me would you???

aidsblood: Scan your ID and send it.

aidsblood: You have a pic?

Batch333: no scaner

Batch333: sorry

aidsblood: Well tell me your fantasy, Mr Legal_age!

Batch333: what r u sayin?

Batch333: u a cop?

aidsblood: No, junior, I am not a cop.

Batch333: ok:-)

Batch333: i want head

aidsblood: As long as you are of legal age, I will listen to your fantasy. If it is sad and boring, such as "i want head", you will be immediately dismissed.

aidsblood: Use some detail.

Batch333: look i gtg

aidsblood: Say what you want.

aidsblood: Good, go. You sound like you really want a dude, anyway, you fruitbag.

aidsblood: Go suck a cock down by the tracks.

aidsblood: Officials are on their way to your ISP billing address to check your ID.

Batch333: for what?

Batch333: i didnt do anything

Batch333: i left because your too young

aidsblood: If you turn out to be underage, your equipment will be confiscated and you will be listed as a known sex offender.

aidsblood: You will have to register as such in any community you live in for the next 7 years.

aidsblood: Please do not do anything do distort your files or clear the history in your pc.

Batch333: look i didnt do anything

Batch333: if im underage?

aidsblood: That would be considered destroying evidence and is a felony.

Batch333: o shut up

aidsblood: If you are underage, you will be placed in a state-run facility until such time as you are deemed rehabilitated.

Batch333: ok....

aidsblood: Please notify your parents as to the nature of events that has traspired.

aidsblood: This is a recorded message from the state habitual sex offender office.

 

Previous message was not received by Batch333 because of error: User Batch333 is not available.

 

Page 1 ... 4 5 6 7 8 ... 9 Next 5 Entries »