Dear Mr. Boguslawski,

I’ve always been a big fan of your consumer advocate segments on my local CBS affiliate and now I need your help.

Some months back I ordered an adult film from Leisure Time Products that was supposed to contain midgets involved in the act of love. It arrived in a timely fashion but, to my dismay, it only had one midget in the whole movie.

In the first vignette, a woman brings a male midget to his glory through oral love in an inordinately brief period of time. The second vignette features a woman that, while somewhat petite, is certainly no midget.

This is as insulting as the old practice of using Italians to portray Native Americans in old spaghetti-westerns. The rest of the film is nothing but filler segments from average, run of the mill porn with nary a dwarf to be had. I’ve written to the company but have received no feedback. Obviously the customer is not coming first at Leisure Time.I think this is not only deceptive to the customer but also a slap in the face to little people everywhere who are having their good name tarnished by having it attached to shoddy products such as these.

Please get in my corner on this one, Bogey, and let’s put the midget back in midget porn.

Thanking you in advance,
Doug Stanhope