Dear Mr. Boyardee,

I recently purchased a can of your rich and creamy Beefaroni and read under “Nutrition Facts” that it was supposed to contain 7 grams of fat and 3 grams of saturated fat. Having been put on a strict diet by my physician, I pay careful attention to these details. So, while I was stirring it in my Teflon frying pan, I counted but was only able to find 2 grams of saturated fat and five and a half grams of fat overall.

I checked to see if there may have been some fat left in the bottom of the can but it was scraped clean. You may suggest that some might have spilled out during transfer to the pan but I checked that as well. All signs point to me getting canoodled out of a gram and a half of fat that I paid for, fair and square. I’d assume that you’d have some kind of quality control department that would assure against these type of oversights. I also found what I thought to be a morsel of E-coli but my wife assured me it was gristle. Let’s hope so.

Please let me know how I can obtain my missing gram and a half of fat ( One full gram saturated) so as I can finish my meal.

Hungrily,
Doug Stanhope

PS. Our daughter is getting married this fall and we were wondering if Mr. Boyardee was available to cater it. October the 15th is the date and money, of course, is no object. Please let us know as soon as possible.