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The Podcast is Here.


I finally got the equipment to podcast. Now I just have to use it. We did a couple of test runs. One was a short one for Doug Stanhope's Celebrity Death Pool explaining the basic rules and strategies from our high-scorers. You can listen to that one here. It's not too late to get in on it. Get your team together. Death Pool will make March Madness seem like playing penny slap-jack.

And Death Pool t-shirts are now available here. They are cool as shit and I will love you 160 percent more when I see you wearing one at a show.

The other is with Andy Andrist talking about tracking down his alleged molester. I say "alleged" to circumvent more legal issues. We've already had to fly back to Florida to fight (and beat) an injunction. Andy put a clip of the confrontation on Youtube but pulled it down now that it looks like it's going to be made into a full-blown documentary. I doubt anyone who sees it will ever bother using the word alleged after that. Listen to that podcast here.

I'll be going out for 3 weeks with Junior Stopka driving thru the ugly underparts of this country - some towns I've never even heard of - and will be podcasting when we can. My fans have the most fucked up stories if we can get 'em drunk enough to tell them but sober enough to understand them.

I was always proud to seemingly be the only comic in the world without a podcast but I was also proud to be the last comic on the internet, on Myspace, Twitter or to use texting. 

Now I just need a name for it.

I assume all of the good ones are taken.


For the record, I almost never read FB emails unless I'm really bored, drunk and have a lot of time off. Email me here at I may not respond for months but at least I will read it. 

This is why I have my email on the website.

Hey Doug, pretty sure you can appreciate this since you're not a faggot about the dark shit people feel.

I'm 34, so this was close to 20 years ago this shithead I went to elementary and high school with used to call me names, trip me, tell people I was talking shit so they would want to fight me, shit like that. One thing I remember more vividly than any of this was this time on the school bus I was leaning over the seat in front of me, talking to a friend, and he snuck up behind me and hit me over the head as hard as he could with this kid Scott's history book and knocked me silly, practically unconscious, hurt me, made me feel like an asshole, and just laughed with all his scumbag friends at me slumped over.

I left that school after my sophomore year, never really saw him again, until my sister texted me to tell me "Harry Klingenberg died in a meth lab explosion." 

It gets better, though, because I google his name and some other keywords and find surveillance video on a news site.

Around 0:35, I just got goosebumps and started laughing like a motherfucker, because there he was, being rolled into a hospital, writhing in pain shortly before his death, with burns over 80% of his piece of shit body.

He was cooking in a car in a hospital parking lot. You can see the shit explode and watch him die.

Maybe you don't give a fuck but I've been listening to you for years and I feel like maybe you can relate.

Cheers, Doug, see you next time you're in Philly.
- Tug



Attention Tucson, and other Arizonan, comedians...



As usual, I will close out the year at the Rialto, Saturday Dec 1st.

This year's Tucson show will be proudly home to "The Funniest Person in Arizona Comedy Competition."

And unlike all other comedy contests, we tell you upfront - "It's a Scam!" That's why there is no need for it to continue for weeks of preliminaries, semi-finals and finals. It's just one night!

Not only just one night, but just one minute!

That's right! You will only get to do one minute of material!

But, you ask, how can they judge us on one solitary minute of comedy?

Because like all competitions, It's Completely Unfair!

So unfair, in fact, that you will not even know that categories on which you're being judged, none of which will be comedy related.  Originality? Who cares? Stage Presence? Not an issue. Crowd Response? Wasn't listening!

The only thing I will promise you is this contest is NOT rigged, that the winner is NOT pre-determined. The winner will be decided by a panel of completely unqualified judges using a scorecard of random, superfluous criteria.

The winner will have the title of "The 2012 Funniest Person in Arizona" and will be opening for me for shit money immediately upon being crowned.

And the rub is, the losing comics will probably still cry that it was unfair!

But that won't matter to you because your career will be rocketing skyward and you will never look back!

To enter email a link of your stand-up that I will watch no more than a random 10 seconds of before making a decision. If you don't have a clip online, you can just send me an email telling me how funny you are, that you have a shitload of friends that will be buying tickets or other subtle forms of bribery, chicanery, hi-jinx or bamboozlery.

We will choose 10 comics to compete and will let you know by Wednesday, November 28th.