Beware the Ides of March

I think Caesar should have stuck with comment cards to hear the opinions of the people. His fuck-up. I always say keep your friends close and your enemies complaining to the manager. A month on the road and feeling far better than I should. I'll give credit to a relatively drug-free run, save for Cincinnati where we were drug-fantastic. Go Bananas is still one of my favorite clubs to work. Since then it's been mostly the usual anesthesia of USA Today and TGI Bennigan's.

USA Today is quite important to a comic. Yes, it's Fluffernutter but it's what America is being fed and that gives you the angle to come at them. There was a full page breaking down the 12 remaining American Idol contestants and this section is called "Life". I picture myself calmly loading a weapon. I picture that quite often.

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Working rock clubs or - in some cases - just dirty taverns has made me enjoy comedy again. Let me never again apologize for MySpace.

Since corporate radio sank into it's final abyss, clutching the FCC into it's baby-tight recta-phone, it's become nearly impossible to find my crowd through them. Most won't have me on anymore and the ones that do tend to make it all but impossible to convey even small, balled turd versions of my live performance.

Between Myspace and Satellite Radio (stop with your O&A vs Stern warfares, this is no time for party politics. So long as you have one or the other, you don't have the grim, terrestrial alternative), I can now draw my audience without having to get up at 6:30 am - still reeking of intoxicants and rugged vagina - just to annoy morning commuters with pointless government-approved versions of my banter.

XM or Sirius are must-haves. Even more cost-effective and important than HBO or Showtime. You can always buy the box-sets of Sopranos, Deadwood and Bullshit. You're in your car for hours every day. Spend the money.

BTW, XM came out again to tape a live perfromance from DC a couple weeks back. It will air March 24th at 10pm EST. It's 98 percent different than the one the did last year, meaning I fuck up a bunch of jokes but then again, thats where the fun is sometimes.

If you live in New Orleans that night, fuck the XM show - I'll be fucking up jokes right down the street at One-Eyed Jacks. I appreciate you spreading the word.

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Advice for new comics -

Besides the emails asking shit I don't know - what time the show starts, where to find good parking, etc (find Todd Barry's routine about this, fucking hysterical), the most common email is about starting out or coming up in this business.

There is no advice to give other than write jokes, perform them, suck, rewrite, repeat. That's it.

When you are good (or sometimes even when you aren't), you'll probably start getting work. I used to tell up n comers the usual bullshit. Send out tapes, be persistant, call the bookers repeatedly. Then I'd find myself working with acts that were unbearable to watch and ask the booker how he could have possibly done this to an audience. He'll tell me that the comic bothered him so much that he gave the guy a week just to shut him up.

So it was, in a way, my fault. I take that advice back. In fact, I never did much of that myself. Sure, I made some calls and sent some tapes, but mostly I just had fun doing comedy and people started asking me to work. There's no rules, do what seems right for you. Make your own rules. Club in town won't book you because you're dirty? Start your own gig at a local bar. But keep in mind, maybe that's just their excuse. Maybe it's because you're dirty AND you aren't very funny. Don't take my word on it. I'm no authority.