For The New Guys
Wednesday, May 7, 2003 at 10:41AM Since a lot of you are new to this site because of the Man Show - and since I have nothing good to update you on since I've been doing nothing but working on the Man Show, here's what to do.
Buy my fucking CD's.
Sign the mailing list so I can let you know when I'll be playing near you.
Read the archives, prank letters and the baiting stuff. Catch up with everyone else.
Then go to the message board and be a dick.
Scroll down for the latest audio clips. Ignore the horrible old naked woman. I know it tends to queer people away.
Or, if nothing else, you can buy my friendship via Paypal.
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Right now it only costs 27 dollars to be my best friend, although any amount will qualify you as my friend. Ameen Behlbari (or some such ridiculous name that I cant remember) is my worst friend with an amount less than a dollar, but he is now a friend none the less.
Best friend perks include a phone call if you inform me a close relative has died (must have proof, limit one family member) and a postcard from somewhere that I'm having more fun than you. Also, you will be required to put me up if I'm ever in your shitty town. Your best friend status can be revoked by a higher bid at anytime.
In the meantime, I will be in my office, trying to score free shit from companies that want me to use their shit on my show. A bunch of Converse All-Stars are on the way as I wait for word back from Phillip Morris and Miller Lite.
I'll have to wait for the show to air before I can begin work on "Celebrity Gloryhole" but I'm cashing in where I can.
Honey's birthday is Next Thursday, May 15th so send gifts to her - (sign my name on the card)
Doug Stanhope's Wife
363 1/2 Rose Ave
Venice, CA 90291
If I can think of anything else you can do for me or give me or score for me, I'll let you know. Or if you have any ideas of things you can give me, send them in along with the 4 dollar service charge for considering your idea.
~stanhope, not selling out.
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