Now I’ll Have to Start Writing Again…

The last site’s lack of accessibility was a perfect excuse not to update for a year. Xanax and Ambien were another. Now I have a new camera with a picture that demands an update. And there’s this week in Portland & Seattle where good stories often crawl into you while you sleep.

Now I just have to figure out how to put pictures up on this blog.

It’ll be a week anyway.

Stay tuned.

Notice!

You'll have to hit the "Next Page" button to read eveything on most pages on this site. That's why I suggest going to my  Myspace page until I get this site done more functionally. You can still buy the new DVD "No Refunds" as well as all the other merch here and get on the mailing list (that way you'll find out where I'm playing without coming here at all) as well as masturbate to pictures of me on the photo page. Videos aren't up but they're up on Youtube. I guess I could get a link put up on the video page but I'm sure you can find 'em in the meantime. New dates are coming up in a hurry so check the road dates and get tix asap - I'm playing a lot of small rock n roll joints that are a lot more fun but sell out quick.

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 Someday soon I'll get this site workable enough to where it makes me want to post encouraging words and levity from the road but by then we'll probably all be slaves of the New World Order, all inmates of a prison-state watching Alex Jones being knifed to death in a corner of the dungeon for saying "I told you so..." too many times.

On to the New Year.

Thanks,

Stanhope

Doug Stanhope: No Refunds...

...premieres on Showtime this Friday, August 3rd at 10pm."

August 1st, 2007 - For the full schedule of air dates, click here. The DVD of the special will be available August 14th. You can pre-order it here. Spread the word, especially in places that will hate it. Pro-life message boards, The Minutemen or any other anti-immigration chumps, anti-pornography sites, the Jewish Defense League and anywhere Yankees fans lurk. Here's a bleeped, radio-friendly clip that is all they gave me to put up. But I'm sure you guys will put up the harder stuff online once it airs.

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I've never done this for anyone else before and I'll never do it again. But if I don't, a bad thing will happen.

Brendon Walsh, one of the funniest people I know on and off stage, is a few hundred idiots away from 10 thousand dollars on Saturday. 

They roped him into some online competition site where he's the only funny person left. The problem with having actual talent is that you dont spend your days collecting Myspace friends like a beekeeper.

So he'll lose to an unfunny marketing guy mimicking a stand-up unless we get on this shit post-haste.

Fortunately, you're just sitting in your cubicle, drinking raspberry vodka from a gatorade bottle and masturbating into a coffee can so it's not like you don't have a second.

Go to www.famecast.com - go to Stage 6/Comedy and vote for Brendon Walsh.

Don't let shitty comedy thrive.

Otherwise, someone you love will get eye cancer and be killed at an air show. Those are God's rules, not mine.

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Thanks to those who showed up at the Hard Rock in Vegas for the Artie Lange show. I hope you enjoyed the chaos. Keep in mind that anytime you see me on a bill where the majority of the people are there to see someone other than me, shit will probably go wrong. Especially when it's a morning radio audience and even moreso when it's a Stern crowd.

I wouldn't make a career of it but it's fun to do every now and again, closing my set by screaming obscenities at a volatile room full of chanting apes. I expect that outcome going in and only a few times have I been surprised.

It's adreniline and it's cleansing, like a hate-enema.

Ipecac For The Soul.

I love that Artie Lange probably knew what was gonna happen and still booked it. He's one of the best people I've met in this business.